Hogwarts: The Comedic Soap OperaSEASON 2!
by McAwsome
Summary: Season 2 pick up about half way through the summer after the Triwizard tournament...Things are definitly changing....read Hogwarts:The Comedic Soap Opera first, if you havent already...R&R!
1. Episode 1:Premier!

SEASON 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Episode # 1: Season 2 Premier!!!

A/N: Hey guys, I decided to go ahead and post this as it's own story when I realized how long it was going to get...so enjoy! New stuff will be added shortly!!! Thanks for continuing to read this, I love reviews, they make me feel happy!

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**(Dursley's )**

"Hey Potter," Dudley called from the front door on his way out, "you coming?"

"Where are you going?" Harry Potter asked from the kitchen where he was making sandwiches.

"The park," Dudley replied, coming into the kitchen and reaching for one of the sandwiches his cousin had just made. Harry slapped his hand.

"Those are for supper."

"Ouch," Dudley complained, acting as though his Harry had really hurt him.

Harry rolled his eyes, but finally gave in and tossed his cousin a sandwich.

Ever since the wizard healers at St. Mungos had saved his life, Dudley had been a lot more considerate of his cousin. Now they went everywhere together. During the last school year, Dudley had dropped the group of friends who steal lunch money, in favor of his wrestling buddies who were much more accepting than Dudley's old friends had ever been.

For one thing, the only time these guys ever went 'Harry Hunting' was to see if Harry wanted to go do something.

"So," Dudley prompted, "the park?"

"Sure," Harry decided, some fresh air was just what he needed.

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_**DISCLAIMER**: Welcome to the second season of Hogwarts: The Comedic Soap Opera! As always, I OWN NOTHING._

_**A/N** please read and review!!!_

_Also, **THE GAME**! (I just lost)_

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**(Cedric's House)**

"Son, do you remember my friend Donny Graves from the department?" Amos asked at dinner one night.

"Sure," Cedric said, noncommittally passing the potatoes to his mother.

"I've invited his family over to dinner tomorrow night."

"Wonderful," exclaimed Mrs. Diggory, "it's been so long since we've had guests over for dinner!"

"Oh, and son?" Amos said sternly, "I want you to be especially nice to that daughter of his. Eliza is going to be sixteen in a few days."

"It's Zoey, Dad," Cedric reminded his father. Of course he'd be nice to her. The two of them had history together.

"I think it's time you told him the truth Amos," Mrs. Diggory told her husband, glaring across the table. "We've kept it a secret for far too long, and he deserves to know." When Amos discreetly shook his head, his wife nearly exploded. "Well if you won't tell him, I will. He's going to be eighteen soon. He's old enough to handle it."

"Fine!" Amos shouted, slamming his fist on the table so hard every jumped and the potatoes landed on the cat. "Cedric, we've arranged for you to marry Zoey Graves. Your courtship is to begin the day she turns seventeen." Cedric was stunned, to say the least.

"May I be excused?" He asked. His father nodded and winced at the stream of curse words pouring from his son's mouth as he went up the stairs.

"That poor girl," Amos sighed, shaking his head. "Well, maybe she can straighten him out."

Mrs. Diggory gave her husband her patented 'Death Glare' and he cowered.

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***The Park***

"Awesome catch!" one of Dudley's buds cheered after Harry snagged the flying disc out of the air.

The boys had been tossing the Frisbee around for the last two hours, and as the day wore on their numbers dropped. Soon it was time for Dudley and Harry to head home as well, dinner was already fixed, and Harry was expecting a visitor.

As they turned down the narrow alleyway that formed a short cut between Magnolia Crescent and Wisteria Walk, the boys were laughing and joking like good friends do. Harry was about to make a comment about how Dudley seemed to enjoy wearing tights and twisting other guys into unique positions, when the alley seemed to get even darker. The air around them suddenly turned cold, and Harry's stomach dropped. He recognized the sensation.

"Harry," Dudley sounded terrified, "what's happening?"

Harry tried to remain calm; he knew that it was their only chance.

"Dudley," he said in his most soothing voice, "think happy thoughts and get the hell out of this alleyway. Oh, and keep your mouth shut, I'll explain everything when we get home."

Hearing the fear in his cousin's voice, Dudley obeyed immediately. He realized that whatever was in the alleyway must be something terribly dangerous and/or magical. He certainly couldn't imagine Harry asking him to go if it were anything human, him being the Junior Heavy-weight Inter-School Boxing Champion and all. As Dudley reached the end of the alleyway, the atmosphere around him became normal. The summer heat replaced the coldness of the ally and the fear he'd felt subsided as he waited for Harry.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" he heard his cousin roar somewhere back in the alley.

"Good thing he had his wand on him," Dudley muttered to himself. Soon after, Harry came pelting from the alleyway, wand in hand, and panting like a dog. He motioned for Dudley to keep moving.

"There could be more of them," he shouted.

"Shit," Dudley breathed before heading home at a flat run.

When the boys arrived at Number 4 Privet Drive, several things were amiss. For one thing, the doorstep was covered in owls, and Harry's boyfriend was standing in the driveway talking to himself furiously.

Dudley rounded on Harry. "Okay, now tell me. What just happened?"

"We were attacked by dementors. They are magical creatures who guard the Wizarding prison." Harry explained.

"I'm going to take a wild guess and say that they're not good," Dudley replied, slightly hysterical, "but what were they doing here?"

"I probably pissed off some high powered ministry official," Harry shrugged, glancing at the owls on his doorstep, "in fact, one of these is probably the ministry writing to let me know I'm expelled from Hogwarts. The others are probably from Sirius and a couple of Weasley's telling me not to cooperate when the ministry comes to take my wand."

"Good guesses," Dudley commented, checking the addresses on each of the envelopes. "But there's two here from the ministry."

Harry grabbed the letters Dudley held out and read them quickly.

"Oh," he sighed, "they're not taking my wand; I'm just not supposed to use it. Hey Ced."

Harry had been so distracted by the dementor attack and the owls, that he hadn't even noticed that his boyfriend was pacing nervously in his driveway. Not that the boy had done anything to draw attention to himself, in fact, Cedric practically crapped himself when Harry said his name.

The truth was, Cedric had been planning to come clean. To tell Harry exactly what his father had done. To spill his gut and hopefully make himself feel better about the whole situation. Of course, that was before he'd arrived at Privet Drive and discovered that there'd been a dementor attack. 'I'll tell him,' Cedric told himself, 'but not tonight. Right now he needs me to be the supportive boyfriend, not the one who needs the support.' He didn't like the feeling he got when he hid things from Harry, particularly when it was life altering shit like his upcoming arranged marriage, but he tried to convince himself that it was for the best.

"I'll save you a sandwich Harry," Dudley chuckled as he went into the house, skipping the step that the owls had recently vacated. Harry nodded, and turned his attention to his boyfriend.

"Hi," Cedric didn't say anything. He simply approached in silence and wrapped his arms tightly around the younger boy. They held the position for a rather long time, neither of them wanting to ruin the moment by breaking the silence.

"Hi," Cedric murmured into the smaller boy's hair, engulfing himself in the scent.

Finally they stepped back.

"So, dementors?" Cedric asked. He was concerned; Dementors didn't leave Azkaban without being ordered. That meant somebody from the ministry had ordered them to be here. But who? Perhaps one of the Death Eaters? Now that Voldemort was back, it could be anyone.

"Dementors," Harry replied. "They attacked me and Dudley in the alleyway, now the ministry wants me expelled."

"It's a clear cut case of self defense," argued Cedric, "they'll have to let you off."

"Hopefully," Harry replied. He had his doubts; the ministry had been spreading lies about him all summer. Doubting his sanity and what not. "You do realize that everyone thinks we're a pair of raving nutters, don't you?"

"Well yeah," Cedric agreed hesitantly, "but Dumbledore doesn't. I'm sure he'll do something." 'I hope so, anyway,' Cedric though but didn't add.

The boys went on to talk for several hours that night, as they had done every night that summer, never running out of things to say to each other. Finally, around midnight, Cedric regretfully admitted that he needed to go. He watched Harry go into the house, and then disapparated.

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(**The Burrow)**

"You don't think they're really going to expel him, do you dad?" Ron Weasley asked his father as breakfast the next morning. "I mean, they cant can they? He's Harry Freaking Potter!"

"Technically they can," Mr. Weasley admitted, smearing peanut butter across his waffle, "but I really don't see whey they would. If his story is true, and there really were Dementors, then he had need to magically defend himself."

"Where are those girls?" Mrs. Weasley ranted as she stormed across the kitchen wearing only one shoe, "they'll be here any moment! Ginny! Hermione! Hurry up and get down here!"

The Weasley's were packing up their things. They, and Hermione, were going to spend the rest of the summer helping Sirius Black make his house a liveable space for the members of the Order of the Phoenix to congregate.

The thing was though, the location was a secret known only by Arthur at the moment, and he wasn't telling. That, and Dumbledore's specific orders prevented Ron and Hermione from telling Harry anything that might satisfy his curiosity.

Ron, personally, was happy that for the first time since they'd met, he was more in the loop than Harry. Sure he occasionally felt a bit guilty for taking so much pleasure from that, and he knew that if he could, he'd share the info, but he couldn't, so feeling guilty was completely useless.

"Is everyone ready?" Mr. Weasley asked, glancing around the kitchen where his family had gathered. He proceeded to explain Dumbledore's plan for their transport, and then they were off. He shrunk each of their trunks so they could carry them in their pockets. Then, one at a time, he showed Molly, Bill, Charlie, Fred, and George an address on a piece of paper before they apparated. After that he apparated himself to make sure that the coast was clear before coming back fore Ginny, Hermione, and finally Ron. As he arrived with each, he showed them the piece of paper and told them to think of the address on it. Once they were successfully inside, Arthur went back to the Weasley House and secured it against forced entry- magical or otherwise. Then he headed to the office, just as he had done every day of his adult life.

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-What is the Order of the Phoenix? Why doesn't Dumbledore want Harry to know what's going on? What is Voldemort up to? How will Cedric's decision not to tell Harry about his arranged marriage affect their relationship? Why does Sirius' house need so much cleaning? Find out next time on **_The Stereotypical, Uber Odd, Kinda Gayyy, Obnoxiously Hard to Follow, Gonna Make You Piss Yourself: Harry Potter Soap Opera (SEASON 2!!!)!!!!!!!!!!!!_**

A/N: Hey guys! I'm baa-aack!!! So, as said in the Season 2 preview, big changes are on the way. As this season progresses there will be several new characters introduced. The First few episodes will be kinda short, and the storylines will be a little limited, but still funny. Once everyone gets back to Hogwarts, the storylines will broaden out much more and the chapters will slowly get longer as the season progresses. Please be patient and stay with me, I have some huge plans for this story! **_Please review_**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	2. Episode 2:Sort of an EPIC Fail!

Episode 2:Sort of an EPIC Fail!!!!!

"Zoey! Turn down that horrible racket!" Serena Graves shouted from the kitchen where she was attempting to win a game of solitaire for the millionth time. Rolling her eyes as she placed a red seven on top of a black eight, Serena released a dissatisfied sigh as she stood up and stormed up the stairs to her daughter's bedroom. 'Ugh,' she thought in annoyance as a particularly loud guitar riff cut through the house, 'how can she stand that awful noise?'

As she drew closer to the door, the music got even louder; it was a wonder Zoey could hear anything at all. Realizing that knocking was futile, Serena turned the knob and pushed the door open. She wondered vaguely why the lights were off, but when she flipped the switch the music stopped.

'Finally!' she thought happily, 'Quiet.'

A glance around the room told her that Zoey had taken up the guitar again. This point was easily proven by the sixteen year old girl standing in the middle of the room with a guitar strapped to her shoulder.

"Oh honey, I didn't realize you were playing again," Serena gushed, masterfully playing the role of 'excited mom'. Inwardly however, she cringed. This was yet another one of Zoey's unladylike quirks that had gotten her thrown out of Mrs. Natalie's Institute for Young Witches. Yes, between that and her dreams of becoming a healer, Mrs. Natalie had finally had enough of the rebellious Zoey Graves.

"Is that a problem?" Zoey asked, looking her mother in the eye, her disgust for the woman clear on her face. Serena Graves was beautiful; luscious dark curls, slim leggy figure with glorious curves- she could have been a model. At 5'7, she was certainly tall enough.

And the woman was intelligent. She could have been successful in any career she had chosen to pursue. Of course, then she'd gotten married straight out of school, popped out a few kids, and settled in to the life of a house wife.

"No," Serena shook her head, ignoring the inner voice shouting 'yes yes yes!' she repeated, "nope, no problem at all." 'Of course it's a problem!' she thought, "what kind of man is going to want to marry a loud obnoxious woman who cant follow society's rules? It's a good thing Donny made those arrangements before she was born…'

"Okay, did you need something?" Zoey inquired, sure her mother hadn't dragged herself all the way up the stairs just to state the obvious.

"I just though I'd remind you to wear something nice for dinner tonight, we're eating with the Diggory's," Serena replied with the fake cheerfulness she'd come to rely on when speaking to the girl. 'I feel sorry for that poor boy…' she thought as she looked over the girl who still wore her pajamas. It was three in the afternoon!

"Yes mum," Zoey replied, failing to suppress the smile that teased at her lips as she watched Serena speak of eating with the Diggory's. It was as if her mother considered them to be higher beings or something, the way she insisted that the family dress up when dining with them. However, the only one of them Zoey actually cared for was their son Cedric. Growing up, he'd been her best friend.

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**_Disclaimer!!!!!!!_**

**_A/N: Thanks so much to all of you who tuned in and reviewed the premier, that made me feel superawesome!!! So, this chapter is mainly new introductions and character developement. Also....THE GAME! I apoligize for the spelling and grammatical errors in this chapter...I procrastinated til the last minute and ended up typing it at 2am the morning before I posted it....that whole 'lack of time' thing again._**

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(**Privet Drive)**

"It's hot," Dudley grunted, stating the obvious as he shucked off his 'Juice Shack' t-shirt and slammed himself down on the sofa.

"Yep," Harry grunted in reply, taking a sip of his iced tea, he stared at the television.

"Do you guy's have an air conditioner?" Jarbaby asked, even he was sweating profusely, his jar leaving rings on the coffee table.

"Nope," Dudley replied, "mom's decided to 'go green'. Now that dad's unemployed, we're broke."

"As in, shattered in two or more pieces, or being without money?" Jarbaby asked, needing clarification for the term which held several meanings.

"Money," Dudley explained, "Mom and Dad took everything, bought an RV, and went roadtrippin'."

Harry threw himself out of the chair he'd been sitting in and began stumbling around getting ready for his shift as the Juice Shack. The uniform consisted of a hot pink t-shirt with a brightly colored picture of many juices on the back and the company logo in neon orange lettering on the front. Employees typically wore this over their bathing suites, as the Juice Shack was located next door to the city pool, which they were allowed to go to during breaks.

Dudley and Harry had decided to get summer jobs so that they could afford household expenses. Normally they worked their shifts together and today would have been their day off, but multiple people had called in sick. Plus, they really needed the money.

Pulling his t-shirt over his head, then stuffing his house key into the pocket of his shorts, Harry shoved his feet into a pair of flip-flops and then topped the ensemble with a pair of cheap sunglasses that made him look like a surfer dude.

"Surfs up, dude!" Dudley grinned, tossing his cousin a Hot Pocket. Catching it, Harry grinned back.

"Righteous!" he exclaimed, mouth full of Hot Pocket and gesturing enthusiastically with the rest of the pastry as he walked out the door.

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**...later**

An hour later Dudley and Jarbaby were mindlessly staring at the television as people competed in the world's stupidest game show. The contestants had twenty minutes to build a specific figure out of wet toilet paper, and then the team that successfully identified the most figures won $10,000. the losers had a large vat of orange slime dumped on them. It was sort of like Pictionary…only with toilet paper…and orange slime.

"Are you blind?" Jarbaby cursed the contestant onscreen, "it's a unicorn! Why the hell did you say duck?"

Dudley was totally zoned out, and Jarbaby was so into the show that neither of them noticed when the front door opened and eight people walked in and started moving around.

"Ooh, I love this show!" exclaimed a woman with bright pink hair, plopping herself down on the couch with the boys.

"Tonks, this really isn't the time," a scruffy man in torn blue jeans protested, gazing uneasily in every direction.

"You!" a man with an insane looking fake eye, a peg leg, and lots of scars pointed his wand at Dudley, who finally became aware of the intruders. He released a girlish squeal when he noticed the wand in his face. "Where's Harry Potter?" the man demanded.

"Father went to work," Jarbaby answered calmly, "he has a six hour shift at the Juice Shack. Of course you are all welcome to wait here for him, but it is imperative that you get your wand out of Uncle Dudley's face immediately. Sir."

Stunned silence fell over the room as each of the wizards turned to stare at Jarbaby. "Wow." The pink haired witch murmured to the large black man standing next to her. He nodded.

"Well this screws things up," the man with the strange eye said finally, plopping down in an armchair. "We'll have to notify the rest of the order about the delay. Diggle, you apparate back to Headquarters."

"Elphias, Hestia, Emmaline; you three'd better go with him," the scruffy guy ordered in an undertone. The three nodded discreetly. For cracks were heard as the four disappeared into thin air.

"I cant believe we missed him!" the one who would later be identified as Mad-Eye Moody, ranted, "the plan was fool proof! FOOL PROOF, I tell you!"

"Don't be to hard on yourself Moody," the pink haired woman soothed, "you couldn't have known he'd gotten a job." Turning to Dudley she stuck out her hand, "I'm Tonks, by the way."

"Kingsley Shacklebolt," introduced the black man.

"Remus Lupin," the scruffy one identified himself. Then, pointing to the one with strange eye's, "and that's Mad-Eye Moody."

"Pleased to meet all of you," Jarbaby declared formally. Dudley managed a tiny wave, and a little squeak. Sure he'd been around magic before, but eight fully grown wizards breaking into his house was a whole new experienced. "They are the good guys," Jarbaby assured Dudley, who nodded briefly.

**~2 hours later~**

Tonks was conked out on the couch, Shacklebolt had taken over the remote and was changing channels at a rapid pace, Lupin was pacing the room, and Moody was boredly fidgeting with his fake eye. Everyone in the living room was silent; the only noises coming from the television and the gross squishing noise that could be heard when Moody popped his eye in and out of its socket- which he seemed to be doing frequently.

"I cant take it anymore!" Tonks shrieked suddenly, shooting up from her spot on the couch and startling everyone. "it's hot, I'm bored, and the boy wont be home for another three hours! Cant we come back and get him some other time? Like, when he's actually going to BE HERE?"

"She has a point," Kingsley allowed, finally pressing the big red button on the remote and causing the TV to flash and go off. "It's not like we really need him yet, his trial is not til Thursday. It's Monday."

"We don't work Wednesday," Dudley offered helpfully, "and mum and dad won't be home for a while.

"But Dumbledore's plan…" Moody began, only to be interrupted.

"Has already been blown," Lupin concluded, "two more days won't kill anybody."

"But Molly might," argued Moody, clearly terrified of the woman. "You heard her before we left," he put on his best impression of Molly Weasley's voice, "now you keep him safe!" in his own voice he concluded, "If we turn up without the boy, she's going to have a hernia!"

The four sat in silence, pondering this, when Tonks launched herself off the couch again.

"I know!" she said excitedly. She pointed at Dudley, "We'll blame it all on that guy!"

"That just might work," Moody said slowly, running every possible scenario through his mind as he did so, "yes, that's brilliant!"

Before Dudley was able to comprehend just what he was taking the blame for, he and Jarbaby were alone in the house. "That was weird," he commented in dazed amusement.

**(Grimmauld Place)**

George Weasley was cleaning out the attic of Sirius Black's childhood home. Sirius Black, the infamous mass murderer. Now how many people could actually say that?

George also had an imaginary green fairy named Roger living in his head.

As he sorted through the boxes of old junk, George occasionally felt Roger stir, willing him to pocket certain items that could come in handy later in life. It was really obvious, even without the brightly colored 'Support Voldemort' posters hanging from every inch of attic wall, that the Black's had been very dark wizards.

Pulling something that appeared to be a human skull which still oozed blood out of a box, George cringed.

"Coward," Roger whispered in his mind.

"It's gross," George protested. If anyone else were around, they'd have thought him mad. In fact, his family had already noticed several changes in his behavior. For one thing, he'd been distancing himself from everybody- even Fred, his twin. The other change frightened them just a tad bit. So far, each of the Weasley's had at one point or another, walked in on him talking angrily to himself when he had been alone in a room.

"Pocket that syringe," Roger commanded, "just don't touch the needle. It's full of Basilisk venom."

" Great," George exclaimed angrily as he followed the order, "we're killing people now?"

"If necessary," Roger replied nonchalantly. "Whatever it takes."

Grumbling angrily to himself, George continued to sort though the boxes until his mother called him for dinner.

**~The Diggory's~**

Cedric had spend his day sulking. He'd never been a big sulker; when he was pissed, he typically shouted a lot, cussed a bit, and then he'd be over it. Of course, there was a first time for everything; including, he supposed, discovering that without his knowledge his parents had arranged his marriage. In effect, destroying his life.

Needless to say, he hadn't spoken to either of them since dinner the previous night; choosing instead to sit in his room listening to obnoxiously loud music. It helped, he guessed, that the singer's in the bands he listened to seemed almost as angry as he was.

To make matters worse, the girl and her family were coming over to dinner, supposedly to sort out the rest of the details.

'Well,' he thought, 'the arrangements have already been set, I have no one to impress.'

On a normal occasion when guests came over, Cedric would have put on something nice- or at least clean. This time however, he pulled on a pair of ripped jeans, a wrinkled t-shirt, and ran his hands through his hair- essentially messing it up more than it already was.

'I look like a bum,' he though, glancing at his reflection with satisfaction, 'Dad's gonna flip!'

Downstairs a doorbell rang.

Showtime!

"Cedric," his mother called up the stairs, "the Graves' are here."

Grinning maniacally as he anticipated their reaction to his less than pristine appearance, he turned off the stereo and headed down. His anger flared as he caught sight of his future bride.

She'd cut her long blond curls into a shaggy bob reaching just past her shoulders, that hung in her face hiding her right eye. She wore a little more eyeliner, but otherwise little about her had changed. The girl he'd always trusted, always shared his secrets with. The one he'd lost his virginity to- she had to have known! The blond bitch had comforted him when he'd confided that he thought he was gay! Why had she never told him what their parents had planned?

With that though, Cedric's anger at his parents subsided and focused its entirety on the tiny blond who was currently helping her brothers Octavian and Derek with their coats.

"I'll never understand why mum insists that we wear jackets," she complained, spotting Cedric on the stairs, "and on the hottest day of the year!" she had to do a double take when she noticed his attired, then gave him a small smile. "Go on," Zoey muttered to her brothers as she groped around the coat closet searching for hangers, hanging up her jacket as well.

Cedric struggled to contain the snort that almost escaped when he realized that Zoey hadn't dressed to impress either. Opting instead for a pair of neon green cheerleading shorts and a fitted t-shirt which read 'I'm Batman.' Her mother had obviously assumed he was wearing an inappropriately short dress, but been unwilling to start an argument.

Closing the closet door, Zoey wrapped her arms around Cedric and gave him a big hug, believing him to be her only ally that evening. When he didn't return the gesture, she backed away.

"What's up?" she asked, concerned for her friend.

"Figure it out," Cedric replied nastily. He turned on heel and marched into the dining room where everyone else was already seated. Confused, but not about to admit it at the dinner table, Zoey headed into the kitchen to see if Mrs. Diggory needed any with dinner.

Addi, as the woman insisted she call her, handed Zoey a huge dish of potatoes to take to the table.

Dinner turned out to be an awkward affair, it was as though everyone had something to say but no one had the nerve to say it. Clearly Serena wanted to scold Zoey and Cedric for their inappropriate dinner attire, but proper etiquette prevented her from doing so. Amos Diggory seemed slightly on edge through the entire meal, until finally he couldn't contain himself any longer.

"So Donny," he said loudly, even though nobody else was speaking, "last night I told Cedric about the marriage we've arranged for he and Zoey. I figured since you were transferring her to Hogwarts in the fall, they could get to know each other a bit better."

To his credit, Donny Graves nearly choked on a piece of corn.

"Well you see, Amos," he coughed, yanking his tie, face going red with exertion, "we hadn't. Exactly. Told her yet." The same time he said this, Zoey herself left from the table.

"What the hell is he talking about Dad?"

"Zoey, sit back down dear," Serena said quietly, once again trying to avoid a scene.

She was ignored.

"Well, er…" Donny faltered.

"Are you mental?" Zoey shrieked in horror, realizing suddenly why Cedric had been so rude to her, "No way! I'm not doing it."

"Well Honey," Serena hissed bitterly, "you don't have a choice. This is an acceptable arrangement for all parties involved, and you have no choice but to deal with it."

Zoey's only reply was to flip everyone off as she stormed out of the house. Cedric followed her.

"That went rather well, don't you think?" Amos asked, looking at his wife for support. Addison Diggory scowled at her husband as she cleared the two places that had just been abandoned and carried them into the kitchen with out a word. Amos turned to Donny and Serena, "when we told Ced, he cussed like a sailor."

Donny nodded sympathetically.

Serena's sympathy, however, lay with the two kids who had just stormed out of the house.

Zoey managed to get out of earshot of the house before her swearing began. Like Cedric, she too had a rather foul mouth at times. The words she shouted would have made her mother faint.

"That's what I said," a voice behind her said agreeably. Zoey spun angrily to discover that Cedric had followed her out. She had almost made up her mind to yell at him as well, when he snorted, "you really didn't know, did you?"

Zoey glared. If she'd known, she would have told him. all of her life, he'd been the one she told everything to. There was obviously no way she could have kept something this big from him. She was offended that he would even suggest it. Rather than reply, she sat down in the dirt and glared some more.

"Obviously not," Cedric answered his own question, sighed deeply, and sat down next to her. The two sat in silence a while, then Zoey finally spoke again.

"Have you told Harry yet?" they could figure everything else out later, she thought, after all, she and Cedric would have the rest of their lives together whether they wanted to or not.

"I was going to last night," Cedric said quietly, staring straight ahead. He mentally cursed himself for so many things. Especially that he'd ever been mad at Zoey. He should have known better.

"But?" the girl prompted.

"But he'd just fought off a bunch of Dementors, and I figured he had his hands full."

"Let me guess, the stupid ministry wants to expel him now, right?" she snorted, picking up a clump of dirt and hurling it out in front of her.

"Naturally," Cedric chuckled softly, "but you're right, I have to tell him. and I've got to do it soon, damn it!"

Then they were quiet again, both trying to think up the perfect solution to their problem.

"We could do it together," Zoey suggested hesitantly. After everything Cedric had told her about him, she was eager to meet Harry. At the same time, she didn't want to make the situation any worse than it already was. "Perhaps I could help you convince him the this is something neither of us wanted, and that the two of you don't have to end your relationship just because you have to marry me? Besides that, you've still got a year before our courtship even becomes official."

Cedric contemplated her words. He appreciated it, and knew she'd meant everything, but suddenly his mind was stuck in the long run. They would be expected to create baby Diggory's. The last thing Cedric wanted was for Zoey to think that she was just an object that he could store in his closet and take out only for reproductive purposes. They'd known each other too long for that.

"Ced, we can work out the kinks as we go along," exclaimed Zoey, as if reading his thoughts, "but if we just focus on the now, we can figure out the later when we get there! I seem to remember you telling me that Harry works at a Juice Shack in Little Whinging, is that right?" at Cedric's nod she continued, "that's not to far from here. Plus, you can apparate now. How about tomorrow we pay him a visit?"

"Fine."

Zoey nodded. Then she lay back with her head in his lap and stared up at the stars just as they had every summer since they'd met. Suddenly the universe seemed even larger than usual, but at the same time, it also felt suffocatingly small.

**~Dursley's~**

When the front door burst open, Dudley Dursley left from his position on the couch armed with a golf club, only to find himself face to face with his cousin. Lowering the golf club, he made sure that the door was shut and locked tightly before dropping his guard completely. Harry gave him a funny look.

"Okay," the smaller boy sighed noncommentally. He moved past Dudley, went to the fridge, and poured himself a glass of tea before coming back into the room. "what'd I miss?"

After Dudley, with the assistance of Jarbaby, explained what had gone down while Harry had been out, Harry laughed hysterically.

Ever since he'd gotten home for the summer, he'd been waiting for somebody- ANYBODY- to share some information. He'd taken out a subscription to the Daily Prophet, and he'd been scrounging newspapers out of rubbish bins, and paying special attention to the news. Each day he hoped to find something –some hint- at what was going on in the Wizarding World. Ron, Hermione, and Sirius didn't seem particularly interested in writing to him much. In fact, the only real contact he'd had with the Wizarding World so far this summer had come from Cedric, who wrote everyday and occasionally dropped by; and Steve McStevens, who was vacationing in Mexico with his parents.

Harry found it simply hilarious that when Dumbledore finally decided to let him into the loop, his retrieval party had arrived at Number 4 Privet Drive, only to find that he was out.

"They said they'd come back Wednesday at 4pm." Dudley said in conclusion, "Your court dad is set for Thursday."

"Spiffy."

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-What will happen next? You'll just have to keep tuning in to find out!!!!!

_-A/N: As i said at the beginning, this chapter is mainly new introductions and character development. The character of Cedric is actually really fun to develop, since what do we actually know about him? He's really nice, really loyal, good at Quidditch, and his dad is kinda douche-y...but what else???? Nothin'!!! That means I get to make stuff up...and lets face it, none of us would even be ON this website if we DIDN'T enjoy making stuff up. Also, elaborating on the lives of the other characters is fun, since again, I GET TO MAKE IT ALL UP!!!!!!!! That's why I really love writing this story, it's sort of a challenge to me. I was looking at the notes the I make in the margins of my notebook as I've been writing everything out, I've used almost all of the material that I thought of. It's really awesome to be able to do that...though the part about Ron showing up with a horse and a bunch of pigs....well, I **probably** wont be using that. Anyway, I'm rambling. Again, THANK YOU all for reading this, please REVIEW, keep watching this story, and have a wonderful weekend._

_Alright alright sports fans, its time for the ****__'McAwsome is Too Lazy to Summarize Her Own Story Contest!!' _

_That's right guys, I'm way to lazy to re-read this whole thing and come up with a catchy summary that will grab readers and make them go 'oooh!' So that's where you guys come in. If you've actually read this whole thing, it means that you actually like it. You rock! So here's the contest, send me a PM with an awesome summary for me to display on my profile. The winner gets their summary posted on my profile, and an author's note in a future chapter where I'll tell everyone how much you rock!_

_...REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ....please?_

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	3. Episode3:A UnnecessaryAbundance of Cats!

Episode 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_**A/n…I'm baa-ack…sorry it's taken me so long to post an new chapter. College started, and life stuff keeps happening…anyway, there are probably lots of spelling and grammar mistakes in this, I didn't edit it quite as well as I should have, I just really want to get it posted….I can fix it later. Please just ignore the spelling and grammatical errors and enjoy the chapter…and the press that nice review button!!!!! Thanks. **_

"_Holà_ _Senorita_," Steve McStevens purred. He was sunbathing on the beach in Mexico, while enjoying a taco, and attempting to persuade a really good looking woman to rub sunscreen on his back. So far however, they all kept slapping him.

Never one to accept defeat, Steve snuggled up to his newest conquest and drawled, "_Hay un gato grande en mis pantelones_."

He'd been working on his 'I'm incredibly sexy' voice since he'd hit puberty, and had convinced himself that he had it perfected. He believed that his tone of voice held thousands of promises, and made women want him.

However, when this woman, like the last six, slapped him and shouted for her seven foot tall biker boyfriend; he began to wonder if he was saying the right thing.

Discouraged, he walked to the shaded area where Geoffrey, his younger brother, had put their stuff.

"How's my favorite little brother?" Steve demanded, lying down on his towel.

"What do you want Steve?" Geoffrey demanded, pushing his sunglasses back up his nose.

"Two things. One: could you rub some sunscreen on my back? I've been trying to find a hot babe to do it for me, but for some reason they all keep slapping me and yelling for their boyfriends." Steve said, handing his brother the bottle of SPF 30, he continued, "and two: how do you ask someone to rub sunscreen on your back in Spanish?"

"Would you rub sunscreen on my back in Spanish," Geoffrey said with a straight face. Steve turned around and glared at him.

"I hope you remember that you're starting Hogwarts this year," Steve said, "I'm going to be a seventh year, which means I'm going to be in the perfect position to make your life hell. If I were you, I'd re-think the sarcasm." Rolling his eyes, Geoffrey said something in Spanish that Steve had never heard before. "What does that mean?"

"It's Spanish for 'would you rub sunscreen on my back'"

"Then what does _'hay un gato grande en mis pantelones'_ mean?"

"Is that what you've been saying?" Geoffrey snorted, "No wonder they're slapping you! I'd slap you too if you come up to me, told me that you had a large cat in your pants, and handed me a bottle of lotion!"

**DISCLAIMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1: Nope, still not mine. Poo…**

* * *

Sirius Black was bored out of his mind. He had absolutely nothing to do, and if he had to clean out another closet he was going to scream.

Not to mention that his house was currently crammed full of Weasley's, all of them working with the same goal in mind: Cleaning.

Oh how Sirius despised cleaning. It was pointless really, eventually someone was going to make another mess. He'd tried pointing this out of Molly the first day she'd arrived, but she claimed that cleaning prevented messes from piling up and becoming unmanageable.

"Sirius you live in filth!" She'd claimed, following him around with a rag and a bucket of bleach. She obviously blamed him for the condition the house was in, conveniently neglecting the fact that he hadn't lived here since he was sixteen. "How could you let it get this bad?"

"Molly, I was in Azkaban for the last twelve years, "he'd reminded her, politely biting back some of the other things he'd like to have said to the woman, "and I haven't lived here since I was sixteen."

Molly had impatiently clucked her tongue and set everyone to work on what came to be known as 'The Grimmauld Place Beautification Project'.

Now however, she was away on some business on Diagon Alley, and all of the kids were upstairs. Sirius had the kitchen all to himself, and there was something he was just dying to try.

Sirius wanted potato wedges.

He gathered the ingredients he was going to use, and set to work washing potatoes and cutting off the bad spots. Then he was faced with a dilemma: How the hell was he going to get the potatoes into those wedge shaped pieces?

He was contemplating this when Ginny cautiously tiptoed down the stairs.

"Going somewhere?" he asked, sounding much more threatening than he'd intended, having forgotten that he still held a large butcher knife.

"Oh no," Ginny laughed, trying to keep her eyes off the knife, "no, I was just going to sneak into the kitchen an make some potato wedges while mum was out."

"Oh," Sirius exclaimed cheerfully, "when then perhaps you could help me out here then. You see, I can't seem to figure out how to get the potatoes into those little wedge shaped pieces. "

"Oh yeah," Ginny agreed enthusiastically when Sirius handed her the knife, "well, I think." She positioned the potato on its side and cut it down the middle. "Okay, so we cut them in half, then we cut each half in half until we have wedges."

"Excellent," Sirius got out another large knife, and soon he and Ginny had the counter piled high with wedges.

"Now we need to put them on baking sheets and add the special spices," Ginny instructed, she began opening cabinets in search of spices. Trying to be helpful, Sirius headed for the linen closet to find the baking sheets. "Sirius, where are you going?"

"To the linen closet for the baking sheets," he replied, eyes widening as she giggled a little, then pointed at a drawer beneath the oven.

"You might want to try that drawer first; they'll be long and flat."

Spices and baking sheets located and in use, all that was left to do was wait. These potato wedges were going to be awesome.

* * *

**~Goyle Residence~**

"Ha!" Voldemort exclaimed excitedly as bright read letters flashed across the screen, "my little Italian man collected more stars than your little Italian man!"

Gregory Goyle and the Dark Lord were playing Super Mario Brother's on the younger boy's Nintendo Game System.

"Yes master," the dimwitted Slytherin admitted, "But my little Italian man flushed himself into mushroom land, saved the princess and collected a bunch of gold coins!"

When Voldemort examined the screen a bit closer, he realized that indeed, the boy did have a higher score.

"Damn!" Voldemort berated himself. Then he had an idea that would make him feel better. He pulled out his wand. "Crucio!" as Goyle's screams filled the room, the Dark Lord laughed maniacally and punched the 'power' button on the television. "Take that! Stupid little Italian man!"

Oh how he loved having opposable thumbs.

* * *

**~Grave's Residence~**

'What does one wear when going to meet your future husband's boyfriend?' Zoey mused as she opened her closet to see what she had to work with. She wanted something that made her look cute. Not for her own benefit, but for the boy's. She realized that in soon as Cedric dropped the bomb, the younger boy would be scrutinizing her to see what she had that he didn't. If she looked skanky, he'd wonder if he was skanky. If she looked like a whore, he would think Cedric was lying, and so on. However there was a downside to this reasoning: if she looked TOO good, Harry would believe that his boyfriend had been straightened out by the first cute thing he saw with boobs.

"Ah," she laughed out loud, "the benefit of five years in an all girls' school."

Selecting her outfit; short red shorts and a white tank top that fit well and covered everything, she hurriedly changed just in time to cram her feet into some flip-flops and slip her sunglasses onto her head before she heard the familiar crack.

Glad her mother wasn't around to ask questions; she scribbled a quick note 'out with Cedric', and stuck it on the fridge. Then she walked slowly, in an attempt to hide her nervousness, into the living room where he was waiting.

If she was nervous, Cedric was freaking out. He was stiff as a board, pacing the room with his arms locked and fingernails digging into the fleshy part of his hand. Quite frankly, it looked painful.

"Hey," she sad cheerfully, launching herself across the room, "I have a question. Now, I need you to think carefully before answering. Can you do that for me?"

"Um, sure, I guess." Cedric looked surprised, as though cheerfulness weren't the emotion he'd been expecting to deal with.

"Okay," Zoey blushed slightly, had she not been trying to distract him from his nerves she never would have asked, "Um, do these shorts make me look fat?"

"Of course not!"

'Mission accomplished,' Zoey thought happily as Cedric snuck a peek at her rear, then blushed furiously when he realized she was watching.

"Of course not Zoe," he repeated with a grin, "if I weren't flamingly gay and nervous about telling my boyfriend that I'm marrying you in a few years, I'd throw you down on that couch and have my way with you right now!"

THAT brought back memories. Zoey blinked, all she'd intended to do was make Cedric laugh, not bring up past incidents.

"Thanks," she muttered, laughing nervously. "Well then, shall we go?"

Cedric checked his watch, "yeah, the afternoon rush should be ending right about now." He gripped Zoey's hand and grinned, "now think of the location, hold and tight, and pray to God I don't splinch myself!"

* * *

**~The Juice Shack~**

"Thank you. Have a nice day," Dudley told the final member of the afternoon rush. For the first time in what seemed like many hours, the line at the Juice Shack was totally empty.

"We did it!" his cousin sang happily as he used a wet cloth to clean the sticky spots one the back counter.

As Dudley began to restock, his favorite song came over the loud speaker at the pool next door. He immediately dropped what he was doing and began to play the air guitar. Harry joined in, making a beat with his hands on the counter, and the customers sipping juice at the picnic tables outside got quite a show.

"Hey, isn't that your boyfriend?" Dudley asked suddenly. Harry dropped his cloth in the back and came to the front counter.

"Where?" he asked, scanning the crowd for a familiar face.

"There!" Dudley pointed, "that dude talking to the hot chick!"

Harry's jaw hit the floor as he finally spotted Cedric. Sure enough, he wasn't alone. "I'll be right back," Harry hopped over the counter of the brightly painted shack and made his way over to his boyfriend, who was talking quietly to some blond girl behind the pool bathhouse.

"I can't do this!" he heard Cedric moan pitifully. The anguish in his voice almost made Harry feel guilty about the thoughts racing through his mind.

"Well you're going to have to," the girl replied patiently, as though this weren't the first time she'd seen Cedric freak out about something, "he's coming over here right now."

As she said this, Cedric looked up. When his eyes made contact with Harry's, Harry began to worry even more.

Who was this girl Cedric suddenly seemed so close to? Had Cedric suddenly decided that he wasn't gay and that he liked blondes? What the hell was going on?

"Cedric?" he asked quietly, looking up at the taller boy. The girl took a few steps back to give them space. The look on her face- was that sympathy? Harry needed answers. "What's going on?"

Cedric promptly turned green, clapped his hands over his mouth, and rushed into the bathroom.

The girl shook her head.

"It's alright Harry," she explained with a small smile, "he's just really nervous about telling you that our parents arranged out marriage the day I was born. Cedric doesn't think you'll understand that this is something neither one of us wants; and that I for one only found out about it yesterday. Our parents are douchebags, which I'm sure you know, if you've ever met Amos Diggory." At Harry's stunned expression, the girl sighed and stuck out her hand. "Hi, I'm Zoey. Cedric and I practically grew up together. I consider him my best friend. He's told me so much about you. Of course I know he's gay. I love him like a sister loves her older brother." When Harry continued to look stunned, she walked to the door of the men's room, stuck her head in and shouted, "Cedric Diggory, you get your ass you of there this instant! I think I may have permanently traumatized your boyfriend. Come fix him, Damn it!"

Cedric wiped his mouth with some toilet paper, and unlocked his stall after spending some quality time with the toilet. As he was washing his hands in an attempt to rid himself of the icky feeling that comes after one vomits (and to prevent the spread of germs!!), he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

"Ugh!" he moaned inwardly, taking in the puffy bags under his eyes and the pale color of his skin.

"Don't make me come in there!" he heard Zoey shout from outside the door. This made him crack a small smile, knowing full well that she wasn't kidding. She'd done it before. "You have three seconds mister. 1…2…3!" and the door opened. The girl stormed into the men's room, then stood behind him with her arms crossed glaring furiously.

"I'm sorry," Cedric said quietly.

"You don't have to apologize to me," she said gently, dropping her arms and moving forward so she was standing beside him. "apologize to Harry; he's the one you abandoned with a total spaz! I mean, what were you thinking? I panicked and told him everything!"

"You did?" Cedric asked numbly, "and what did he say?"

"That this must be another one of the Wizarding rules he doesn't understand, but figures he'll just have to cope." Harry said conversationally, having, in as stroke of brilliance realized that everything Zoey had told him was true. He also realized that if Cedric really had lost interest in him, we could have just waited to tell him when they got back to Hogwarts. Instead he'd drug this girl, who must have been his friend for a long time, all the way to The Juice Shack. "He also appreciate that you guys told him right away rather than him having to wait and hear if from somebody else. Now he just has a few questions he'd like answered, but would rather not ask them in third person."

"Zoey is greatly amused by Harry's third person revelation. She would like to congratulate him on the conclusions he came to on his own, and would like to add that they are spot on. However, she too would appreciate it if the third person act stops here."

"Cedric agrees."

After that the three exited the bathroom and found a table to sit and talk. They laughed, cut-up, and discussed everything worth discussing, and were eventually forced to agree that they all liked each other.

At one point, Zoey went up to the Juice Shack to get something to drink, giving the boys a few minutes to them selves while she took her time deciding what she wanted. Harry took this opportunity to grin wolfishly at Cedric.

"I liked the part where she stood outside the men's room cussing at you," he whispered, "just promise me you wont let her straighten you out… too much."

Cedric grinned back. It seemed his boyfriend had changed a lot this summer. Physically, he looked healthier. His clothes fit better and he wore them with more confidence. In fact, the boy seemed to be a lot more confident about all things in general. He'd expected Harry to cry, and possibly dump him when he found out. Instead he seemed to be taking everything quite well. Cedric was really going to have to watch his back now that he'd introduced those two…

* * *

**~Grimmauld Place~**

Molly Weasley closed the door behind her and was met by the pleasant aroma of what ever was cooking. She put down the package she was carrying, and walked into the kitchen.

"You made potato wedges!" she exclaimed excitedly as she noticed as she noticed the little wedge shaped potatoes that her daughter and Sirius Black were dipping in ranch dressing.

"Um hum," Ginny said while chewing on the bide she'd just put into her mouth. She swallowed, "But we've ate them all already. Sorry. Sirius did the dishes though."

"I cant believe you ate them all!"

"Well," Sirius said reasonably, holding half of his last wedge in the air, "we did make them."

"Yes but-," Molly was disappointed. Potato wedges sounded absolutely fantastic just then.

Snapping back into 'mom mode', she put on her 'mom face' and changed the subject.

"I think Crookshanks has fleas, have you seen him?"

Sirius jumped when she said 'Shank', and Ginny answered, "I think he went upstairs."

"Thanks honey," Mentally screaming profanities, she calmly climbed the stairs in search of the poor kitty who was about to feel the wrath of Molly Weasley.

* * *

**~Hogwarts~  
**

"Here's your potion Albus," Minerva McGonnigal said with a worried expression on her face.

Dumbledore lay on his back with his eyes closed, as his skin began to bubble visibly on the surface.

"It's alright." Severous Snape murmured, putting his arm around Minerva, "he does this every year. That potion makes the pain go away."

"He speaks the truth," a familiar voice cam from behind them.

"Albus!" Minerva shrieked, about to scold him for being out of bed. The man before her chuckled in a very Dumbledore-like manner, and shook his head.

"My dear lady," he said, extending his hand, "my name is Icabod. However, I came from Albus."

Minerva glanced at Severous to see if he was as confused as she was, bus he seemed completely unconcerned. As all this occurred, three men who looked exactly like Dumbledore entered the room and exchanged pleasantries with Icabod.

"Has it started yet?" the one who introduced himself as Jethro asked the one called Herbert.

"Jethro, we all arrived at the same time," the one who called himself Oswald rolled his eyes. "Everything Herbert has seen, you have too."

A great beam of light erupted from the chest of Albus Dumbledore, and appeared hazy, as though waves of light ran through is. Minerva gasped and buried her head in Snape's chest as Albus' body began to split itself in half and then reform as two separate entities.

"He can asexually reproduce," Severous muttered unnecessarily.

While Albus' chest continued to rise and fall at an unsteady rhythm as he recovered, the Other leapt to his feet. In a flash, he stood before Minerva.

"Hey there little lady!" he said happily striking a pose, "they call me Bubba!"

"Hi Bubba," the other Dumbledores exclaimed happily welcoming their new brother.

Minerva fainted.

Slowly Albus rose from his bed.

"Is she alright Severous?"

"Yes headmaster," Snape murmured, "she's only fainted."

"I seem to recall you doing the very same thing the first time you witnessed my reproduction as well."

"Well," Snape said thoughtfully as he ran his fingers through his hair, which he had recently started washing, "It's creepy."

"Indeed."

**What happens next? Is it really that easy? Is there any good that can come of this? You'll just have to read and find out.**

_**A/N: Well, I really hope that was worth the wait….please review even if it wasn't. There's more story to be told, and your reviews motivate me to actually sit down and type them….**_


	4. Episode 4:New Beginnings!

Episode 4

**Disclaimer: Unfortunitly, none of it's mine.**

**A/N: Hey, told you I wasn't giving up on this story…just been hit by an abundance of life, college, drama, and various other things…but now its back!!! Happy late thanksgiving!!! Can anyone else believe I just started posting this story a year ago? I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to update again because finals are coming up, so enjoy this and review it bunches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

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**(Wednesday, 3:30pm)**

Harry Potter was in the bathroom when the Order of the Phoenix arrived to retrieve him. The loud crack as they all apparated caused him to miss the toilet.

"Shit," he cursed as he pissed a little on the floor. Behind him a woman cleared her throat. "Why did you apparate into my bathroom?"

"Sorry about that," the woman said brightly, flipping her neon green Mohawk to the other side of her head, "I'll let you finish your business in peace."

"It's appreciated," he murmured as she apparated into the living room. This gave him time to think.

For the first time ever, Harry wasn't eager to leave Privet Drive. In fact, he rather wanted to stay the summer. Now that his only living family had apparently accepted what he was, living with them was almost pleasant.

It was a strange experience really, having friends and a life out of school. He'd enjoyed hanging out with Dudley and his gang. The social experiences of working the crowds at the Juice Shack seemed to be broadening his horizons.

"No," he decided, glancing at his reflection in the mirror. He hardly recognized it. Before where a thin, timid, sick looking boy had stood, was a teenage boy who actually looked his age. The summer of exercise and experience had done wonders for him. "No, I think I'd rather just stay here."

When he emerged from the bathroom, he discovered that Mad-Eye Moody, Remus Lupin, some black guy, and the Mohawk chick had taken over the living room; and the Dudley was serving tea.

"Ready?" Mad-Eye demanded when Harry joined them.

"Um, I don't really want to go," Harry shrugged, "so I haven't exactly packed."

"I took the liberty," replied Mohawk chick, presenting him with a tiny box, "I'm Tonks, by the way."

"Now just so I'm clear," Dudley said nervously, "where are you going, who will you be with, and when will you be back?"

"I don't know," Harry answered the first question, "these guys apparently, and probably tomorrow. I have to work this weekend."

"Well have fun then," Dudley declared, fighting the urge to beg his cousin not to go.

"Ready?" Lupin asked, checking his watch, "Dumbledore has loaned us his private jet for your retrieval, they should be here soon."

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~**Grave's Residence~**

Serena felt ill. Not stomach virus ill, or influenza sort of ill, but the kind of illness which occurs when one does something incredibly stupid.

Ever since the night at the Diggory's, she'd felt a nagging since of dread. The whole arranged marriage thing had seemed like a brilliant idea at the time – sixteen years ago. Yep, back before Zoey and Cedric had entered into the equation, everything had been perfect.

Donny and Amos were work buddies. They went fishing together, and they were the best of friends. Well naturally they had insisted that their wives get along. They did, and it worked out great. They'd raised their kids together…

One night the two men had gotten drunk and done something incredibly stupid. They'd made an unbreakable vow that their children would marry eachother. They'd kept this secret for years, until Amos' wife, Addison had beat it out of him…that is to say, she'd withheld sex.

"And now my daughter is sentenced to the same fate as I," she whispered to the photo album in her lap.

"One major difference mom," the voice made Serena jump. She'd been staring so intently at a photo of Octavian and Derek chasing eachother on toy broomsticks, that she hadn't heard he daughter enter the room. Now the girl sat beside her on the couch. "Did I scare you?"

"Well, not really, I just didn't hear you come in," Serena said nervously, this was the first time her daughter had spoken to her in days. "You were saying?"

"Oh yeah, the main difference is that you had a choice. You got to choose who you married."

"Actually," Serena said thoughtfully, "I didn't really. Donald's father was a huge supporter of You-Know-Who. He was going to slaughter my entire family if I didn't marry his son. At least Cedric isn't a Death Eater."

"He's gay," Zoey said matter-of-factly.

"Gay?" Serena was shocked, "I seem to remember a certain night last summer when your father and I were supposed to be out that tells a different story. You may think I'm old and stupid, but I know what I walked in on. Was he your first?"

"Yes," Zoey said blushing furiously, "and that was just an experiment. He really is gay mom, you can ask Harry Potter if you don't believe me."

Now Serena felt even worse. Not only were she and her husband forcing their daughter marry against her will, they were thrusting their poor daughter into the arms of a gay man.

"I'm sort of lacking the certain anatomical parts required to please him." Zoey concluded, a troubled look crossed her face as she reconsidered her decision to get along with Harry. "And he loves his boyfriend."

'So she gets all the duty of a housewife, while someone else gets all of the sex.' Serena thought, mentally cursing her husband with every swear word she knew in six different languages.

After that the two Graves women sat silently on the couch together, each with her mind somewhere else and wearing an unsatisfied expression on her face.

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**~England~**

Vernon Dursley and his wife had finally decided to take a well earned vacation. Due to half a lifetime spend making drills at Grunnings, Vernon was up to his eyeballs in vacation time.

Actually, Vernon didn't exactly have a job, so his vacation time was pretty much moot. However, after many years of working through his vacation time, the Dursley's could do whatever they wanted.

So, leaving Dudley and Harry at Privet Drive, with the excuse that they were broke and Vernon was looking for a new job, Vernon and Petunia traded their cars in for a big tacky RV.

"We're going road tripping'!" They exclaimed when asked.

It was time to have some adventures of their own.

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**~Grimmauld Place~**

Hermione Granger was studying her figure in the bathroom mirror. When she heard Dumbledore's Private Jet land on the roof.

"I'm so fat," she thought miserably as she pinched her stomach and glared at it murderously. In reality she looked fine, but how many fifteen year old girls actually live in reality? Hermione made a good show of it, but even she was faced with the problems brought on by adolescence, puberty, and peer pressure. She was a smart girl, but there were days when she wanted to trade in her perfect grades for acceptance. Because Hermione, like every other teenager who ever was or ever will exsist, wanted desperately to fit in with those around her.

"That's it," she decided as she listened to everyone moving around downstairs, "As of this moment, my fat ass is going on a diet." Resolving to never eat again, Hermione smiled and waved good-bye to her reflection as she walked out of the bathroom.

Hating that everyone was going to see her this way, Hermione stopped by her room and pulled on a bulky sweater, even though it was a scorching 80degrees inside the house.

Then she went downstairs to visit with Harry.

**

* * *

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**~Mexico~**

"I'm never drinking again," Steve swore under his breath as he awoke with a killer hangover and a strange burning sensation next to the roughest looking woman he'd ever seen. Throwing his arm across his eyes to block the bright sun, he stumbled around the unfamiliar bedroom searching for his clothes.

When he finally walked into the hotel room he was sharing with his younger brother Geoffrey, he was exhausted and eager to get back in bed and sleep for three days; or perhaps die, either felt like an option at the moment.

Unfortunately Geoffrey was a morning person. There he was, fully dressed and on the couch drinking coffee when Steve walked through the door.

"Where have you been?"

"I'm never drinking again."

"You might want to check in with mom and dad. I told them that you accidently drank some of the tap water. They probably think you're dying."

Steve felt a rush of gratitude toward the younger McStevens, his brother had totally come through with him with that excuse. It not only explained his absence from dinner last night, but it also gave a reasonably explanation for the symptoms of the hangover!

"Oh," Geoffrey added as an afterthought, "and you have mail." He pointed to the smoking red envelope on the night stand. "I think it's a howler, you'd better open it before you burn down the hotel."

Steve was seventeen. Legally of age in the Wizarding world. That meant he was allowed to use magic outside of school. So naturally he and Cedric had been sending eachother howlers all summer just for the hell of it.

Taking a deep breath as he opened the envelope, Steve backed away from it just as Cedric's voice filled the room.

"I'M ENGAGED! HELP ME!"

Steve felt dizzy. Then he passed out.

Geoffrey sipped his coffee and turned the page of the newspaper he was reading.

Just an ordinary day with Steve.

**

* * *

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**~Voldemort's Lair of Evil~**

While the Dark Lord was in his study plotting evil and destruction with some of his favorite minions, Wormtail flexed the fingers on his new hand. Having lost his original appendage in service to his master, he had been provided a shiny new one in it's place.

However, his new hand had been behaving very strangely. The reason he wasn't in the office right now was his failure to take decent notes in the last one. He'd tried, he'd actually written down every word that he been said. Somehow though, when he went over them at the end of the meeting, the only word on the paper had been 'destroy'.

Naturally the Dark Lord had not been pleased, which was why Wormtail was now being shunned by his peers.

Picking up his favorite pen, Wormtail found a scrap of paper and wrote his name. He hoped desperately t hat he words that appeared on the paper would be he words he head intended to write. He looked down, 'destroy'.

"What's going on here?" he muttered to himself, closely examining his new hand. Suddenly, though he wasn't moving, Wormtail's hand grabbed a pen and began to fly across the paper. "Whoa, stop it!" The hand had something to say, and wouldn't be stopped until it had been said.

Wormtail read the hand's new message; 'Destroy the all'.

'Destroy who all?' Wormtail wondered, hastily wadding the paper up and shoving it in his pocket as the meeting of evil broke up and Severus Snape walked out of the office.

"Did you come to any conclusions?" Wormtail asked as the man crossed the room.

"I don't see how that is any concern of yours," Snape countered.

"Of course sir," Wormtail said pleasantly pasting a genuinely fake smile on his face.

Snape sneered in a patented Snape-like manner, then flounced away with his nose in the air. When he was going, Wormtail looked down at the note pad he was absentmindedly scribbling on. In an unfamiliar handwriting it read: Destroy him.

Already Wormtail's mind was filled with images of horrible things he longed to do to Snape. He found his hand inching its way toward his wand, and slammed his other hand down to cover it. Even has he pressed down on it with all of his weight, Wormtail could feel his hand straining to free itself.

It seemed Wormtail had himself and evil hand.

**

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**~Grimmauld Place~**

"We wanted to tell you!" Ron was half heartedly explaining to his best friend why he hadn't written all summer.

"Dumbledore made us promise we wouldn't say any thing," Hermione cut in, unable to keep the self-importance out her voice. It was a bit annoying really.

"Whatever," Harry sighed, he didn't much care for their explanations, he was quite aware of the fun they'd had without him.

It certainly failed to make him want to stay for the summer. Infact, the only person in this house that Harry actually wanted to see was Sirius, and he'd been in a meeting all day.

"We're really sorry-," Ron began to apologize for the third time, but Harry interrupted.

"Ron, if you apoligize for not writing to me one more time, I swear I'll-," That was as far as he got before being interrupted by Hermione.

"Dumbledore-," Harry interrupted her after the single word.

"I KNOW, HERMIONE!"

"Oh," the witch was flabbergasted, and Ron was speechless.

For the remainder of the afternoon the three caught eachother up on their lives. Ron and Hermione told of their adventures at Grimmauld Place, while Harry stunned them by excitedly recounting his days with Dudley.

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A/N: Well, what happens next? You're just gonna have to keep reading to find out. It's definitely about to get interesting!!!!!!! REVIEW!!!


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